The background
As all loyal Beats Club listeners will know, here at the Beats Club, we quite like the kinda music Apple quite simply brands ‘alternative’.
Apple, of course, fails to define what ‘alternative’ music really is, but when the Boardmasters line up emerged with a headlining trio of Liam Gallagher, Lorde and Florence and the Machine recently, it was clear the week-long surf-fest extravaganza would be full of it.
What’s more, Boardmasters is one of the few UK-based festivals that takes place, in part, on a bleedin beach! Throw into the mix some of the world’s best surfers shredding the gnar and you, my listener, have a festival of promise on your hands.
Some suggested our unyouthful complexions might make the Beats Club feel geriatric on arrival. Others felt heading off to a festival quite deliberately stationed at the end of the earth seemed like a massive ball-ache. And, to be sure, here at the Bristol Beats Club, we shared such concerns. Still, earlier this month, we loaded up our trusty Renault with good beer and hope.
Surfing! Festival! Liam. Fucking. Gallagher! Whatever our Boardmasters weekend had in store, it was sure to be fun.
The entrance
Now Boardmasters, it must be said, has some previous.
In 2019, the festival was cancelled last minute owing entirely to a rumbling Cornish storm. But we’re pleased to report that, by the time we arrived on the Friday, the weather down in Newquay was sun, sun, a bit of cloud, and sun.
The first band on our agenda was Everything Everything. And we’d naturally left Bristol with plenty of time to spare before the art rockers were due to take up arms.
Alas, and of course, en route we hit classic festival traffic. On Cornish country lanes. So our first tip for all those thinking of flocking down to Boardmasters is, if you’re ever driving to Boardmasters, expect delays.
We actually arrived while Everything Everything were on stage in the end, which meant we decided to delay the tedious tent setup and head straight to the Boardmasters arena.
The wristband exchange was a bloody breeze. And queues into the arena – at least in the middle of the day – were minimal. So, before we knew it, we were blaring out Distant Past at the top of our lungs…
… and then that was that.
Yep, we’d arrived for the band’s very final song; they were pretty much off stage minutes after we’d arrived.
So we’ll repeat for your benefit… cause we wouldn’t want you to get stung too: when travelling to Boardmasters, allow extra time!
The preamble
Ditching our camp setup in favour of catching Everything Everything left the Bristol Beats Club with a dilemma.
Yep, post-Everything Everything, we had nought but a minor gap before The Vaccines were due on. It didn’t seem like enough time to find a suitable camping spot in the sprawling nearby Boardmasters campsite – which, by the way, is outside of the arena and which you need a separate ticket to enter.
And neither of us were keen on missing an entire set for the second time in two hours.
So it was decided: We were off for a beer, some food, and a bit of an exploration. The tent setup could wait. What did Boardmasters have to offer?
The USP
And here, it must be said: Boardmasters boasts the most stunning festival backdrop of any UK festival we’ve ever attended.
The site itself isn’t too big, which is a nice touch for aged festival goers such as ourselves. And the organisers have managed to plonk a ferris wheel in the middle of all the action that, somehow, manages to swerve feeling even the least bit tacky.
And the lack of tackiness is most likely due to the jewel in this festival arena’s crown… a fucking seaview over golden sand!
Yep, over a singer-songwriter stage aptly named ‘The View’, Boardmasters revellers (or ‘Boardies’, as Boardmasters punters like to be called) can kick back and gaze over Watergate Bay, complete with golden sand, stunning cliffs, and momentous Atlantic waves rocking and rolling in.
There are definitely worse places to kick back with multiple beers at festivals as the sun shines on. Perhaps missioning to England’s end, then, is what it’s all about after all.
The Vaccines
Next up for the Bristol Beats Club was, of course, The Vaccines.
To be honest, we weren’t sure how the borderline wrinkly rockers would go down.
It has to be said that Boardmasters is known for attracting it’s fair share of youngsters. And, of course, The Vaccines have now been around for a laudably lengthy stint.
But if the band had any reception-based worries, they shouldn’t have: from a crowd-drawing opening to an epic If You Wanna ending via numerous hits (including the for-once-relevant ‘Wetsuit’), The Vaccines went down a treat amongst fans old and fresh. But did they really play If You Wanna as both the set’s opener and ending?! Apparently, The View was such an epic fest-beer location the Beats Club had already had one too many.
The vibe
Our accidental inebriation made our next task daunting.
Missioning it back to the car to commence an unwelcome, late and tipsy tent setup was far from appealing post Vaccination. And, to be clear, before we’d left Bristol, we’d loaded our Renault high. There was no getting around it though, so about thirty minutes post Vaccines joy, we were arguing at dusk in an otherwise genteel VIP campsite while trying to pin our tent ropes pretty much through the canvasses of our neighbours.
We of course swiftly apologised for our behaviour (an act to which the Beats Club are well accustomed) and we’re pleased to report that, despite us plonking our shit far too close to others for comfort, everyone around us seemed totally sound.
In fact, the friendliness of the festival is something it’s worth highlighting. At Boardmasters, if you’re down for it, you will make friends. It’s just that kinda festival, in which everyone seems to shed the shells that get us through the struggle of the city in favour of… y’know… talking to each other, and stuff.
To be clear, there are a few reports of Reading-esque misdemeanours that tend to take place within the confines of the more raucous Boardmasters camping areas (look them up). But such incidents are few and far between. The rumour is the Boardmasters team have tried to attract a more mature demographic to the festival in recent years by sprinkling the line up with acts that tend to draw in older crowds… possibly in the belief that older punters aren’t as likely to piss on strangers’ tents. Whether or not that’s true, we can absolutely quash rumours that Boardmasters is just for teens, and we can also dispel myths of widespread animosity. Even, it turns out, if you arrive all late and drunk and set up camp on top of others…
Lorde + Example
Friday’s headliner, Lorde, was slated for a mammoth 90-minute set.
Don’t get us wrong. Despite Lorde technically falling foul of our usual remit, we’re fans. Still, what with our tent-setup antics, it felt as if we’d not long arrived at Boardmasters by the time she was due on. So, we decided, we’d turn up to Lorde late. We’d explore the main arena a bit more beforehand, we figured. We weren’t super keen on spending so much time main-stage.
Imagine our dismay, then, when we were frolicking over by the Boardmasters ferris wheel as the crowd roared Lorde on stage to the unmistakable drum-beat-click that underpins wondertrack Royals. She wasn’t about to open with her biggest hit, was she?
It turned out that’s exactly what was going on… and like pretty much everyone else in the vicinity, we swarmed over into a crush of sweat and skin as Lorde delivered the most I-don’t-give-a-fuck opening of the entire weekend. For the next half an hour she wowed, to be fair, at this stage, the mostly teenage crowd around us, before we decided that, actually, in a 90-minute set, there is for sure room to carve out your own intermission.
Which is why we headed over to one of Boardmasters’ two major tent setups to catch a bit of Example.
You know how we said Boardmasters were trying to appeal to a slightly older crowd? Example’s set was where the twenty-somethings hung out, as the usual bangers came out: Midnight Run, Stay Awake and, surprisingly memorably for the time of day, Changed the Way You Kissed Me.
There was just time post-Example to catch the end of Lorde’s set – which closed on Green Light, a more upbeat ending than you might get with Royals – before we decided to call it a night.
We ordered our customary cheese and chips slathered in mayo, ketchup, and BBQ sauce – a staple we’d learned to love at Nass earlier in the season – then crashed, ready to do the same thing the very next day.
The Saturday morning
Now historically, at festivals, the Beats Club hit the booze pretty hard early on.
Call it the curse of covering emerging artists: at festivals, it’s the up-and-coming acts that are always on early. So, typically, we get a bit over excited. But at Boardies, to be honest, that just wasn’t the vibe.
In fact, when we awoke, rather than people rolling around in pools of vomit and regret, punters instead were opting to queue for the Boardmasters showers. And gourmet breakfasts. Or, at the very least, boiling water on which to revive a sorry Pot Noodle. Which is why, rather than begin the debauchery early on the Saturday, we decided to take an early morning stroll back into the arena.
And that’s how we ended up doing Voga.
The voga
What’s Voga, you ask?
That’s precisely what we asked when we bowled up to the Fulfil tent at 11am on Saturday morning. The Boardmasters schedule – not to mention the physical replica on the Fulfil tent’s exterior – clearly advertised an 11am morning yoga session, which, we figured as we walked past, might help clear our burgeoning hangover.
“Well, it’s kind of like yoga,” said the class instructor at 10.59am as she switched the gentle meditation music to blaring 80’s disco. “Just, y’know, with a bit of dancinggggg!
“Alright ladies!” she screamed, tragically overlooking the Beats Club’s preferred gender identity, “Let’s get started! Everybody, join me in yooourr queenieeeee!”
For the next unspecified period, then, we awkwardly danced amongst people far more prepared for the session than the Beats Club while other attendees acknowledged our incapabilities with awkward smiles and, when it was finally over, a personal round of applause.
“We’re doing the same thing at 11am tomorrow if you’re interested!” we were told on exit, and we promised we’d note the time down. Which we did, for this simple lesson to you all:
If you fancy a bit of yoga at Boardmasters, be careful.
Not everything advertised at this festival is always as it seems.
The beach(es)
We’d have liked to check out some of the surfing at Boardmasters.
The organisers certainly big it up. The trouble is, the surf beach is a proper mission from the festival arena and campsite. There are shuttle buses. But they’re gonna cost you £9 return. That’ll get you a bumpy and windy stop-start ride down to Fistral Beach, which may or may not be worth it (in fairness, the promo shots do make the surf competitions held at Fistral look rather sexual).
After the whole voga debacle, though, we decided against any further risks, which was kinda fine – there are three beaches to frequent at Boardmasters festival, after all. So long as you avoid high tide, you can stroll down to Watergate Bay via the arena, an amble that takes an apparent ten minutes. And we’d recommend it: we managed a chilly dip at Watergare and, it has to be said, although the beach looks prettier from afar, you pretty much get a coastal hike, a beach visit, and, if you brave the icy waters, the world’s greatest hangover cure following a short excursion between acts.
We’re told should the tide get too high at Watergate Bay and you don’t fancy missioning over to Fistral, you can make it to Porth within a quarter of an hour. Basically, at this festival, you’ll get a beach trip too.
The Lottery Winners
Post-beach, The Lottery Winners took to Boardmasters main stage as the sun shone on.
The crowd for The Lottery Winners’ set might have been small, but that was surely owing to the time of day as opposed to the performance. In fact, it probably isn’t going too far to say The Lottery Winners were Boardmasters’ musical highlight.
“This is too early for a band with a number one album!” front man Thom joked in his mancunian drawl as the four-piece walked on to a relatively thin crowd. “And it’s me birthday!” The crowd returned the joke with gifts, singing the front man Happy Birthday, bouncing on demand and reflecting the band’s delightful lyrics back to them. If you’re yet to see them, it’s well worth checking these guys out.
The Reytons
Alongside The Lottery Winners, The Reytons excelled.
“This is a band that’s kinda like Arctic Monkeys,” said one punter within earshot of the Bristol Beats Club. “Early Arctic Monkeys though. Not the new stuff. It’s kind of like they’ve realised the new Arctic Monkeys stuff is shit but no-one is doing the old stuff anymore, so they’ve just stepped in to fill the void.”
The parallels between The Reytons and the Monkeys from far north are obvious… and you get the sense the former aren’t about to apologise. In fact, you get the sense there’s very little The Reytons would ever apologise for. This band wear their working class roots on their sleeves, and their attitude – of which they jest in their output – is just as Fuck-the-System as you’d expect.
“We’ve had so many doors slammed in our faces,” Jonny Yerrell told a pulsating Boardmasters mob mid-set. And, as payback, he proceeded to invite a hopeful guitarist from the crowd on stage to play big-hitting On the Back Burner alongside the band. The move was, naturally, met with nought but rapture, although the stranger’s seemingly perfect performance raised the question of the stunt’s authenticity. If it was a genuine move, bringing a stranger on stage to play a belter is clearly immense. If there was some sort of plant-esque situation going on, though, the whole thing suddenly becomes wanky bollocks. It remains to be seen what this was.
Liam Gallagher
Following The Reytons, the day quickly picked up pace.
We danced, drank, explored and ate against a backdrop of sun and festival frolics soundtracked by the likes of Confidence Man (disappointing theatrics), Bears Den (well received) and Yard Act (what on earth were they doing playing in a tent?), and shortly after another captivating sunset, all of a sudden, there we were, awaiting the imminent arrival of Liam Fucking Gallagher. And we were beerless!
Realising our mishap, we announced there was nothing for it but for the Bristol Beats Club to head to the bar. Our proclamation was met with quizzical looks, but we assured all we were with we’d be back in a flash, taking their drinks orders before darting off.
We figured we’d need a fair few schooners to see us through another 90-minute set, so didn’t hold back when ordering. Of course, in the time it’d taken for us to nip to the Boardies bar, the crowd had ballooned, and there was absolutely no chance of us finding our mates. Phone signal? Don’t make us laugh: this is the edge of a Cornish cliff; few at Boardmasters had had phone service since departing the M5.
Despairingly, we weighed up our options and realised there was only one course of action.
We downed all the booze there and then and, hands-free, spent the next 90 minutes screaming Liam lyrics into the faces of bemused strangers nearby.
Wall of Glass, Diamond in the Dark, Once – all were enough to make you think that, were it not for the past, Liam Gallagher’s solo stuff would probably get more recognition.
But, of course, there is a past. And yes, Liam wove myriad Oasis tunes throughout his set. The rousing denouement of Wonderwall, followed by Champagne Supernova and, finally, Live Forever, is one combination of successive live tracks the Beats Club will be talking about for a long, long time.
The summary
We had intended to head to Mike Skinner’s DJ set once Liam’s performance came to a close.
Sadly though, all that alcohol we’d taken on ahead of Liam Gallagher had kicked in at once, and it was clear the only place we were heading after Live Forever was, ironically, to bed.
There was rain forecast for the Sunday, and we’d already decided we were going to head off, which meant we were turning our back on the rest of the festival.
But what a festival this had been. Seriously, if you get a chance to get along to Boardmasters, you simply must go.
The festival’s viewpoints make Boardmasters worthwhile alone.
Add to that an epic line up, a great crowd of all ages, a wicked atmosphere, and the bloody beeeeeaach, and you’re clearly on to a winner.
That’s precisely what we felt when quashing our canvas house early on Sunday morning.
The crowds were yet to wake, the rain was yet to come, and everything seemed peaceful. And we knew that, very soon, we’d be back…
Leaving far more time to travel there next time round.
Meet us there.
We’ll see you at the beach.
Love, love, love, love, love,
Bristol Beats Xx